Transformation

Inspiration: To bloom like a butterfly.

Last night I went to a group mediation class at the Cultural Center in NYC. This is a place that hosts events on a monthly basis. The last time I was there was in December 2007. I was “guided” to go again yesterday. I had a feeling I would see some familiar faces and experience something surreal.

Amongst the 40 or so participants, two women who were there have helped me in my journey. One woman named Debbra, helped me to change my dietary habits when I was faced with some female issues in 2007. Elana, my gifted intuitive counselor I have been seeing for years, was also present. It was no coincidence they were both there.

At the onset, the host, a gentle, vivacious initiative named Tony Leroy asked us all to pick a tarot card. This is something I have minimal experience with. I asked Debbra, who was nearby what the “Prince of Swords” was. She said it was getting past the mind chatter. Cutting through the crap so to speak. The night was filled with insights and two guided meditations. The second one was long so Tony asked if anyone wanted to sit on the floor. I complied. During this meditation, I could not find stillness but “resistance”, a lot of it. The subtle words came through “to heal”.

Afterwards, we went around the room and Tony asked each of us what images or messages we had. I did not have any except resistance, resistance, resistance.I happened to be the very last person in the room to be asked this question. I was tired and it was after 10 pm. I was extremely surprised to hear his response. He got really silent and then said "I see a man standing behind you.
I was like “okay here is a message from someone, great!" He asked if I had a fraternal relative that had passed. My reply was no. He said this person was really, really, sorry and apologized for attempting to make me into someone I was not. Tony again asked if there was some relative who had been trying to do this. Again I replied with a definitive "NO". Then it hit me. There is only one person who I could recall. This was a man I was briefly married to.

I was crying, my heart was ripped open, in public no less. All the private sessions and in public I hear this great apology. If you are reading this and are a bit confused, this was the individuals "higher self" that was apologizing. It was not the physical, life person. A higher self can be called soul, or spirit, that is beyond the physical realm. This part is connected to the greater Oneness that exists beyond time and space. Afterwards, both Debbra and Elana confirmed it was in fact this man's Higher Self.

I thanked Tony for the information and he gave me a big hug. Great guy !!!!
As I left, the floodgates continued to pour all the way home (which was only two blocks). I felt an opening and releasing in my heart center although I was very sad. Sad for the past, my choices and where I am now.
Only when we allow whatever messages or teachings to come through that are painful can we truly feel whole. Today, I feel a bit raw but excited about the possibilities that exist for me now. Continue to honor all of your feelings. The most painful ones bring us to great healing.

May you all experience great transformations.

With Love,
Denise